IMG_20141006_111227I can’t recall the exact words but the article said that maybe there are few people around you, but the ones that are around really care, and in the other hand, when someone has been away and appears to support you is because he or she does care as well.

I had trouble with that premise. I read it and said something like: “that is plain bullsh*t”.  I had been more in the anger side than the positive one, regarding dad’s care and it is not because of him. When dad had to be transported to the hospital, two weeks ago and few days later I found myself sad and feeling frustrated,  I remembered one morning, after that episode, I approached mom while she was crushing the wheat grass for dad’s daily shot; I hugged her and immediately she started to cry.  I understood her without a single word. I cried days before after I realized I was trying to be too strong, and under so much pressure sometimes we need to recognize our own vulnerability.

Yesterday, my boyfriend, as I will call him in this post,  ran a 5k with my dad’s name on his shirt without even knowing him, as part of a Race for a Cure event. He does know my story, my struggles, my dad’s situation, what concerns my family.  He might not be there with us, but I know he is for us. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say except  “Thank you”, which came out after more than 10 minutes hugging him.

It is curious how in the midst of difficult moments, some people emerge almost from nowhere and express their support. The day dad fell, neighbors and acquaintances were more supportive than people I would have expected to be there. And I had big trouble with that. I felt deception and hypocrisy and I have to say also felt alone and frustrated. Grateful for some but deceived by others.

So, when yesterday my boyfriend handed me his medal and the sign reading ” Today I run for Nelson”, I remembered those lines of the few people that maybe around you and the ones that maybe not, but still care. I definitely prefer the ones that show up and help you along the way, before the tears, before you recognize that even when you are strong, it doesn’t mean you don’t need anybody to hold your hand or just be there.
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