Knowing someone has died is always difficult news to swallow. Few days ago a friend of mine, previously kinda boyfriend, called me to let me know his brother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was shocked since he was only 35 years old, although he faced a long term illness, but seemed to be almost cured by now.

I didn’t know him. I just heard stories of him and “my guy” as well as family situations related to his diagnosis;  because of that I felt I knew him. The conversation with my guy was brief.  I have never known exactly what words to say when I hear someone has passed away.  It was my biggest fear when at a funeral when I was a kid. I guess true words comes with maturity.

I got married at a very young age and had to face lots of situations I wish I didn’t,  but I recognize they made me a better human being, more sensitive, more humble, more understanding.  At one moment, I was responsible for someone’s else “life or death” treatment,  my then husband was in critical condition, and at my 26 years old, that kind of decision re-shaped my vision about how life can change in the blink of an eye. I was not ready to assume that position but I had to. Going to bed knowing you took a decision so powerful, that in the following morning someone you loved may not have survived, is the biggest confusion I have felt ever; but in life we have to deal with so many things we don’t get to choose to handle. Death is one of them, although it is the only sure thing life comes with.

I don’t know if I chose the right words when talking to “my guy”.  When in doubt about what to say in situations where someone is grieving a loss, I always go to the bottom of my heart, and somehow I find the place where I wept so much tears I didn’t even know if I was going to be able to smile again. And for the first time I told him “Te quiero mucho” (Love you very much). Simple, clear and truthful.

Tomorrow I’ll be driving almost three hours just to be able to hug my nowadays friend at the funeral, and show my support to his family whom I have never met.

I am not even sure if it means something to him, but as long as it means to me I will be there, close or far apart by miles, but always present in my heart.

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