I am glad I don’t have sad dates to remember. I don’t count days or months or years to see for how long someone I really love is gone. I mean really really gone, like not in earth anymore. I cannot imagine how hard can that be, so hard that I am even crying as I write these short lines.
Yesterday as I shared dinner time with mom, she asked me what day was it, and then she started counting how many days my grandma will be dead for another year. Every time this date comes she turns sad . At home everyone knows that those days, before and after the date grandma left us, will be very tough ones.
Mom wasn’t sure of how many years had passed, so she started the count. I realized she added 10 more years. I am sure it really doesn’t matter; the pain and absence of her mother should weight on her soul like a thousand. So, as I helped her with my calculator, it turned out this year, it will 22 years, exactly at 4:00pm. That was the first time I learned about the impact of cancer. I was 13 years old.
In my mind I have no clue on how can she still make it everyday without her mom. I guess it is a very deep reflection of how I would feel without her.
At moments like this I can only hug and kiss her without saying a word. I don’t even know what to say. It breaks my heart every year, and that is just my heart. I cannot imagine how it hurts her’s.