A few weeks ago, I found myself repeating this word. It was like a way to express how things were not going the way I wanted. As a curious note, English is not my first language, and although I wasn’t that sure what this idiomatic expression meant to myself, I felt it was my word.
The meaning of it, made me realize that sometimes things happen in a nice time frame, other times when it rains it pours and at one moment a couple of things can really feel like chaos. At work things were hectic, I was having a strong cold, the guy I am dating was kind of off, and my dad’s recent cancer diagnosis was sinking into my feelings.
Then, everything started to move into a better direction, except for my dad’s health, not because it got worse but because we are in the waiting period, (doing medical exams, researching treatments) and eager to have all the results so the doctor can tell our family what is the actual situation and what to expect.
A friend of the family who is a nuclear specialist asked me to send her the results. I scanned them and for no particular reason did not send them right away. All of a sudden during a Thanksgiving lunch at work I decided to send her all the images previously taken with my phone camera by text.
Just immediately I thought, ” Wow, how come you sent her the results while at your lunch hour, sitting in a round table with coworkers, during a happy celebration? You think you are brave, right?”
Of course I have been preparing for the worst. I didn’t expect her either to answer that quickly. She responded in less than 20 minutes. Fortunately her analysis was not that negative. I breathed deeply. I surely had another reason to give thanks. I ate with a lot of appetite,enjoyed my lunch hour without any other concern and was very integrated with my team.
Maybe choosing the right time in a situation like that would have been crucial. I cannot imagine how devastating it would have been if my friend’s reply would have been ” call me” or ” not good news”. Anyway, not that we have control over when life chooses the moment to deliver bad news.
Call it ignorance or just plain spontaneity but I realized that although there is no way to be ready for curve-balls, my instinct is to stand still no matter what and yes, be brave even when I doubt myself.
As Julia de Burgos said, and reminds me everyday with the picture of the street art in this post: “Es peor dejarse vencer por la vida, que dejarse vencer por la muerte.” (It is worst to be defeated by life than by death).