This word…scary and powerful. I haven’t used it since my dad was diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago. It became a taboo until someone pushed me to put into perspective, the importance of the important things in life… the ones I talk so much about very often.

I took the picture in this post a week ago, as an effort to keep my good mood declaring a blessed day. It was my dad’s medical appointment for his bone scan. A few minutes later I found myself writing an email as a reply to a co- worker who was being rude to me for not being at the office that day.  My email said: ” I will not be able to attend the meeting or even conference in. I am at a medical appointment with my dad to determine if his cancer is metastasized”. From the bottom of my heart I hope she felt like shit.

Seems that everything at work went head over heels the day my father chose to have his bone scan. My mind was in business mode, answering emails from my phone, even getting some calls, until I received that short and not sweet email, that made me disconnect and realize that what was going on with my dad was the most important thing happening that day.
Before that, I was reminding myself of all the moments he has been there for me, no matter what, maybe just trying to convince myself I had to be there. It was not a particularly complicated medical exam, but I could guess he was probably scared or at least nervous, and when I heard him asking mom early in the morning: ” Is she coming with us?”,  it was enough to cancel my day at work.
I am sure my co-worker didn’t know why I was not at the office, but she brought up my first tears of rage to my face, since the diagnosis. I tried to compose myself, not wanting my dad to worry about me or to think he was responsible for something that was happening at work.
Sometimes the things that you least expect, can bring you to the place you need to be. Sending that email, brought me to that place; the place were I was talking with my parents about the weather, enjoying the butterflies flying all over the trees next to us, even making jokes about the rooster and the hen having fun in front of everyone. All of a sudden the waiting time outside the hospital became a moment to observe, share the joy of nature as simple and extraordinary as it is, and relax for a while.
Then, as I saw my dad walking into the X -Ray Room, with a bag mom prepared for him with some stuff and a blanket under his arm, my heart broke. His exam got complicated…and I wouldn’t have wanted to be in any other place on earth, except there, at that exact time.